The Hopeful Wanderer: It's time to get up, it's time to get moving

I'm really horrible at waking up early. I'm also not a night-owl. I pretty much like to sleep all the time - especially in the winter. Is that so unusual for mammals? Look a bears, for example. They roam around the mountains in the summer eating berries and meat. Then they sleep all winter. Does that sound like such a bad life? But the reality is that as much as I think everyone deserves to be less productive during the months of January and February, that's not how the world works. So in the mornings when I try every trick in the book to make my husband let me sleep in longer, he sings me this little song he made up... the only lyrics are "Time to get up. Time to get moving." And then he tells me there is coffee and oatmeal waiting for me and that he already ran for an hour and did some homework. Grumble.

The reality is that for me during the months of January and February I have to break every day down into small parts. First, make it to lunch. Then make it to sunset. Then make it through the run. Then make it through dinner, dishes, picking up the house. People invite me to things or want to hang out but by the end of the day, I've got nothing left. It's fortunate that I've been so busy with starting a new job at the bank down the street and with things picking up with Run Pretty Far. It keeps my days structured. I often feel like it's mental training for an ultramarathon. When you can't bear to think about how far away the finish line is, you just think about how many miles stand between you and the next aid station.

To get through those "miles" I rely a lot on music. I don't write because I don't like the words in my head - they do more harm than good. So I fill my thoughts with the words of others. I remember one winter where I must have watched the movie, Garden State, at least 20 times. I like to see and hear how other people who go through similar things come out both strong and grateful.

So some lyrics that perfectly sum up what's it's like trying to push through your mind problems, whether it's depression, anxiety, or Seasonal Affective:

Dread in My Heart (Click to listen)

There's a god-awful shitty feeling of dread in my heart,
yeah it's got a lot to do with having to finish what I start,
and at any second now I think it all might fall apart
cuz there's a god-awful shitty feeling of dread in my heart, yeah.

There's a devil in my brain with a pitchfork and a flame,
yeah he likes to poke around and he likes to tell me things,
and whenever I begin to feel like I might be deranged,
I remember there's a little, shitty devil in my brain, yeah.

Oh I wonder what it's like to be the type who doesn't burn,
yeah the kind who fights the good fight,
not the kind you find fisti-fucking-cuffing in the dirt.

There's a god-awful shitty feeling of dread in my heart,
and I can't seem to change my attitude but I can change my shirt,
cuz you know how actually at times it can be a good start,
but not today there's still a god-awful shitty feeling of dread in my heart.

And here's a new favorite of mine:

Ambling Alp

And when those thunder clouds are crying in the skies, in the skies
And when those fireflies keep shining in your eyes, in your eyes
Keep your mind on the time with your ass on the line
Keep your fleet feet sliding to the side, to the side

Now the world can be an unfair place at times
But your lows will have their complement of highs
And if anyone should cheat you, take advantage of, or beat you
Raise your head and wear your wounds with pride

You must stick up for yourself, son
Never mind what anybody else done
Stick up for yourself, son
Never mind what anybody else done

And finally, here's some pictures from the past month and a half: